one two three fourrrrnication!
I have demons in me.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
