Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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