you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
