he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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