my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
