I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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