It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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