I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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