I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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