I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
