Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
