Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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