In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Randomize
