So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize