If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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