he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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