I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
