My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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