I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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