today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
