I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
