In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
