I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
