he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
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