he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
