she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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