Non-Jews are for practice
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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