today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize