smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
