I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
