he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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