i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
