chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
