He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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