Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
