even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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