She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
