batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
