True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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