i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
