do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
