Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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