So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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