I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
