yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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