I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
