I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
