Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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