Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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