I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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