I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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