i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
