I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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