i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
