do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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