there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
