I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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