I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
