I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
