I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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