so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
this will be a night to untag.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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