i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
