dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I need a beard to bite.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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