that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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