whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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