You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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