We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
