I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
