We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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