Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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