It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
