I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
